I can’t relate fully on a more than one-on-one conversation either. (No matter from chat or actually in person). I personally feel, if their happy with those conversations it allows me to think about my stuff. Especially on something I know nothing about. The beauty of it is: those questions still work. If you are intelligent, you’ll want to know more. When there are more people explaining it it becomes more sound. So, therein, you can just ask questions and learn. At least you are participating… they’ll appreciate it more. It shows effort.

If the conversation becomes redundant or merely repetitive it’s considered boring. Boring conversation have two possibilities: 1. Leave 2. take control

If you are forced into it with a job, disenchant it as only that – your job.

Faster isn’t smarter. Slow and steady wins the race.

In fact, can you empirically say you are “slow”? There is no relation to that definition. The only reason some people think fast, in my opinion, is in their expertise. When they step outside that, they have to slow down. You don’t speed through an unknown town.

I think, if you consider yourself aspie, is to just put your guard down (easier said than done). Ask unknown people things. You might never master it, but comfort universally is better than being comfortable then uncomfortable with each interaction.

My friend has Asperger’s and he’s who I thought before you mentioned “aspie”. He has narrow interests. (I think that’s the autistic way) Another comforting thing to know is that usually that interest, mainly academic subjects, Are highly merge-able. He likes programming which leads to math which leads to philosophy and it all interconnects. Collecting toy cars can go into engines to chemistry to biology. Puns can go into language rhetoric and logical fallacy. To master something it’s good to see it in other things. This leads back to asking questions in conversations. Relate as much as you can.

You are fine as you are. Just don’t limit yourself because you think what’s limiting you is really who you are. I try to disbelieve a lot of tripe out there sometimes. “ignorance is bliss” sometimes.

thanks alot guys,
Damien

I tend to reserve all intellectually stimulating conversations to e-mail because I’m incapable of formulating a coherent response in real-time conversation. This unfortunately makes it nearly impossible to befriend people with similar interests offline. For many years I believed I was stupid, and so did a lot of other people, including family members. These same family members eventually started talking to me in a medium I felt more comfortable in and realized for the first time that I was actually “very intelligent”… and “intimidatingly so”.

Glad to hear that the things I experience are familiar to you. It really is comforting to find the hidden others like ourselves, when everyone you usually meet seems so different to yourself.

As regards Trivial Pursuit, well, I haven’t played it in maybe 15 years. ISTR that there were some subjects that I was OK at (Science and Nature, I suspect), but I was hopeless at Sport and the more artsy/media categories.

James

PS.

Do you also have trouble with Trivial Pursuit?

DS.

Of course, I don’t want to misdiagnose myself and call it Asperger’s Syndrome, but now I wonder.

It’s funny, I feel like I could have written this post!

2. Maybe if more people took time to think before they speak, there would be less tension in the world. Rapid responses are valuable in some circumstances (like an emergency), but in many scenarios it is good to stop and think for some time.

I think that this same message applies to you as well James. You were “fearfully and wonderfully made.” We all have something that we are struggling with. You are very courageous to work on these issues. Your experiences and your willingness to share them are helping other people and that is awesome! Thanks for you advice!

How wonderfully open-minded and understanding you are. I’m not at all surprised your friend values his time with you.

Try not to be too disheartened if he finds it difficult to open up to you. As you say, it is quite likely that he just finds it difficult to express his feelings.

Theories and information often equal special interests to those with ASDs, and you probably shouldn’t be surprised that he can talk about these until the cows come home. I could too, about my own special interests.

I don’t know how long you’ve known this guy or how well you know each other, but clearly that too can have a bearing on how easily he finds it to divulge emotional info. Maybe you just need a little more time spent together before he finds he can more easily open up. Remember that social interaction can be a mine field to those with ASDs, whilst you might consider it to be very straight forward.

Try and be patient. If you stay as understanding as you sound on these comments, I suspect he’ll open up to you in time. I still think he’s more likely to open up in writing first. But then again, that’s what I do, and not everyone with an ASD reacts in the same way.

Hope this helps,

James