Comments on: Slow thinking

By: FS

FS — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 21:13:03 +0000

Thank you for writing this post. It’s comforting to know there are others out there like me.

I tend to reserve all intellectually stimulating conversations to e-mail because I’m incapable of formulating a coherent response in real-time conversation. This unfortunately makes it nearly impossible to befriend people with similar interests offline. For many years I believed I was stupid, and so did a lot of other people, including family members. These same family members eventually started talking to me in a medium I felt more comfortable in and realized for the first time that I was actually “very intelligent”… and “intimidatingly so”.

By: James

James — Wed, 26 May 2010 09:52:05 +0000

Hi Jens,

Glad to hear that the things I experience are familiar to you. It really is comforting to find the hidden others like ourselves, when everyone you usually meet seems so different to yourself.

As regards Trivial Pursuit, well, I haven’t played it in maybe 15 years. ISTR that there were some subjects that I was OK at (Science and Nature, I suspect), but I was hopeless at Sport and the more artsy/media categories.

James

By: Jens

Jens — Sun, 23 May 2010 16:47:01 +0000

I’m really glad i found your blog. That there are more people alike, with a similar cognition profile, is really nice to hear. Before i discovered AS, and attention deficit disorders, i just thought i was plain stupid.

PS.

Do you also have trouble with Trivial Pursuit?

DS.

By: Mark W.

Mark W. — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 23:20:46 +0000

Thanks for your post.
I share most – if not all – of your difficulties and strengths.
Today I was just overwhelmed by my lack of responding quickly and adequately in all of my social interactions. At times like these (they happen very often) I feel like such an idiot when I know, given enough time, I would have given an answer that would have pleased myself and the others.

Of course, I don’t want to misdiagnose myself and call it Asperger’s Syndrome, but now I wonder.

It’s funny, I feel like I could have written this post!

By: Matt

Matt — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 22:32:48 +0000

This may sound strange but try to measure your short-term memory. I started exercises to increase capacity of my short-term memory. Fist thing I noticed is that I’m able to process more information while listening.

By: JPNorth

JPNorth — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 08:37:06 +0000

Great article. Two tihngs come to my mind:
1. Whether or not, and how, to be better understood if this is the way things work for you

2. Maybe if more people took time to think before they speak, there would be less tension in the world. Rapid responses are valuable in some circumstances (like an emergency), but in many scenarios it is good to stop and think for some time.

By: cynsurf

cynsurf — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 21:12:31 +0000

Thanks for your comments. This dialogue and in fact this entire blog is really insightful. I was totally unaware of what it was like to have AS. My brother is reading a book about how we all fit on the Autism spectrum in some ways. Not only has this been helpful for me to understand my friend more, but I think my son has some of these characteristics as well. He is 12 years old and it has always been hard for him to communicate his feelings. I have worked with him since he was a little boy to try to express his feelings more. Now, at 12, he is probably about average for a boy in expressing his feelings. He does not pick up on social cues in real time at all – and his sister and I are especially adept at this. So we often tell him what we observe and I think that has helped him during the years. But one thing that I have always strived to do for him is to make him feel good about who he and be honest about his strength and weaknesses. I am a Christian, and I always tell him he was perfectly created by God and if he doesn’t have certain skills then that is OK. He is a different and unique kid and that is just how he was meant to be. I think that he is content even happy with who he is – even if he is different.

I think that this same message applies to you as well James. You were “fearfully and wonderfully made.” We all have something that we are struggling with. You are very courageous to work on these issues. Your experiences and your willingness to share them are helping other people and that is awesome! Thanks for you advice!

By: James

James — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 13:36:39 +0000

cynsurf,

How wonderfully open-minded and understanding you are. I’m not at all surprised your friend values his time with you.

Try not to be too disheartened if he finds it difficult to open up to you. As you say, it is quite likely that he just finds it difficult to express his feelings.

Theories and information often equal special interests to those with ASDs, and you probably shouldn’t be surprised that he can talk about these until the cows come home. I could too, about my own special interests.

I don’t know how long you’ve known this guy or how well you know each other, but clearly that too can have a bearing on how easily he finds it to divulge emotional info. Maybe you just need a little more time spent together before he finds he can more easily open up. Remember that social interaction can be a mine field to those with ASDs, whilst you might consider it to be very straight forward.

Try and be patient. If you stay as understanding as you sound on these comments, I suspect he’ll open up to you in time. I still think he’s more likely to open up in writing first. But then again, that’s what I do, and not everyone with an ASD reacts in the same way.

Hope this helps,

James

By: cynsurf

cynsurf — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 17:30:41 +0000

Thanks. I have tried email. He tends to write short email that are not necessarily responsive to the subject. He often writes very polite responses like he is saying what his mother taught him rather than what he is really thinking or feeling. And when the email requires a more in depth response he wants to talk about it in person rather than write it out. My first response is he just doesn’t want to talk about things, but he is willing to spend time with me, hanging out about once a week. He will happily talk about theories and information, but not about what I would define as anything “oersonal.” It’s like I can’t connect with him and I can’t put my finger on exactly why. I like the email idea. Maybe it is just a difficult process to put his feelings into words and therefore he is avoiding it. And I don’t know if it is fair of me to demand it of him. He should not have to communicate “my way.” I just wish I knew how to do it “his way.”

By: James

James — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 16:46:35 +0000

Hi cynsurf,

I think I can offer a few bits of advice that might help.

You don’t mention what sort of information you are seeking from this chap, but if it is feeling based in any way, that might be why you are drawing a blank.

I deal far better with topics that involve feelings (or woolly concepts for that matter) if I communicate in writing.
I often know how I feel about something, but won’t be able to put it into verbal words very well. When this happens I tend to stay quiet.

Written words are much easier for me express what I want to say. Also, I often don’t fully appreciate how I feel about something until I try to write about it. It’s like I can see the shadow cast by the feeling, but not the feeling itself.

If the things you are looking for answers about can be written about, then why not send him an email?
You might not get a quick reply, but I think you are more likely to get some sort of reply. After all, not only does this give the chap time to think about his response, he also gets to re-read what you’ve written several times to assure himself that he is making the right assumptions about what you are trying to say.

If it has to be discussed verbally, then I wouldn’t be afraid of going back and attempting to tackle a previously discussed but unresolved topic. If he really doesn’t want to cover it verbally, it should be obvious once you have brought the subject up once more. If that happens, I don’t think you’ll get your answers verbally, but you won’t know if you don’t try.

Hope this helps,

James