Why all those unneeded words are needed. Maybe.

I wrote last week about how I saw similarities with my own writing style and those of other Aspies whose blogs I read. The article has caused a lot of comment, with points made both for an against what I was saying.

One of the big style cues I noted was the use of a lot of qualifiers in my text – something that Gavin Bollard quite nicely described as writing in a ‘flowery’ style. I put a lot of these qualifiers in my writing, as, I note, do many other Aspies.

Having spotted the pattern, I have turned my attention as to why I might do this. I have a solution that makes sense to to me, so I thought I’d share it, and see what you all think.

Those of you who grew up with undiagnosed Asperger’s will well know the feeling that nothing ever quite makes sense in the world, and that people and their responses to situations are often wildly unpredictable. My response to a given situation often seems to be atypical from the population at large, and these faux pas often cause either derision or conflict.

I, for one, have built up something of a defence to this sort of thing over the years – I’ve had to to survive and keep my self-respect intact, and I suspect that it’s the path that many people with AS take. I do hope you’ll let me know as to whether it is the case with you too or not.

It’s often the case that I can’t tell ahead of time whether my response to a given situation is appropriate, and the one that an ordinary person would be expected to give. Thus I go into many situations ‘blind’, with my best guess, and braced for a negative response of some sort.

And this is where the flowery language comes in. When I’m not sure of myself, and suspect that I may end up eliciting a negative response for something, I’ll start adding in qualifiers. This happens both for verbal and written communication. By doing this, I’m saying to the other person, “What I’m saying/writing may be the case. It’s certainly the way I see things, but please tell me if you think I’m wrong, and don’t be too harsh on me if it seems ridiculous to you”.

Over the years, my use of this sort of language has ballooned. I think this is because as I’ve got older I’ve seen more and more clearly just how out of the ordinary my responses can often be. I’m not thick-skinned (is this a typical Aspie characteristic too?), and therefore I throw in anything I can say or write that might help diffuse any potential conflict. I’d rather do this and sound a little odd than sound rediculous and have my feelings hurt and confidence dented.

If my background stress or anxiety is up, then I use this sort of qualifier even more often, as I’ll in general feel less sure about myself and what I’m saying.

And so, the qualifiers show up a lot in my writing on this site. Whilst what I’m writing makes sense to me, and is a genuine description of the way I see things, I still don’t trust that I’m right, and half expect everyone who reads the site to laugh at what I’ve written, and publicly humiliate me.

You don’t, of course, but that’s an indication of just how much this tendency to faux pas has affected me over the years.

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