What do I do now?

My routine is shot to pieces, and I feel lost.

We’ve had quite a large fall of snow that started on Sunday night and continued all through Monday – about 8 inches in total. We live on a large estate of houses on the top of a hill, and we don’t get priority access to snowploughs and gritters. All thus means that I’ve not been to work for two days, as I’ve not been able to get the car safely out to the main road.

My son’s school, at the top of our road has been closed too, so I’ve spent most of the last couple of days entertaining the kids in one way or another, either out in the snow, or once too cold and wet, back inside the warm house.

This may sound idyllic to you. No work! A winter wonderland, to explore with the kids! Snowmen to build! Bobsledding on old plastic compost bags! Hot chocolate to warm ourselves back up again after getting rosy cheeks outside!

Well, in a way it is, but if you’ve got AS, it also causes a couple of issues.

Firstly, I really enjoy playing with my kids, but I find it incredibly draining. I came into the house yesterday lunchtime, having been out in the snow for an hour and a half or so, and felt unable to do much more than collapse on the sofa for a good half an hour. My wife, who had also been out in the snow had to take the full strain all on her own of two kids complaining because they were cold and wet. I wanted peace, quiet, and to sleep, and it took me a while to come round again. Something similar happened in the afternoon – after coming in from the cold I had few words for anyone, and just wanted to curl up somewhere quiet and warm. I had been overloaded.

All of this is minor, however compared to the second problem. My schedule has been non-existent for the last two days. I rely on routine, and on planning out my day to feel safe and secure. Add some snow and a couple of days of being housebound into the mix, and I’m feeling very anxious. I’m back at work this morning, but I feel out of touch. What do I need to get done? Not sure. Where do I start? Dunno.

So I’ve started by writing this. I should be working, I guess, but my head is too full of mixed up emotion and anxiety to concentrate. Hopefully by expressing some of this, I’ll end up calmer and more able to sit down and plan what I need to do today. Today won’t feel normal though – it’ll probably be tomorrow before like I’m back to my usual routine.

Update:
It’s lunch time now, and I feel less anxious. I’ve jotted the things I need to do today, and have made some in-roads into tackling the easier ones. The feeling of routine is coming back. It’s not there yet, but I know it’s coming.

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