My experience was about as close as I ever get to a breakdown in public. I think that experience of extreme anxiety, sitting tight, not knowing what to do, and subconsciously blocking out most external input protects me to a degree. Whilst incredibly uncomfortable, it also seems to limit the amount of further potential damage that I can take in.

As you may have seen in my ‘Fallout’ post, it does have a lasting impact on me, however, that takes some time to tail off.

I’m not surprised you couldn’t take it all in in one go – it is a monster of a post, some 3.6K words.

To be honest, I just needed to get it all out in the hope that it would stop affecting me quite so much. It seems to have done the trick, at least to a degree.

The funny thing is just how familiar this all feels. So whilst it was a very tricky and very draining evening, it didn’t feel extreme as such.

I have felt this way many many times over the years – so much so, that it feels to be an normal part of everyday life. Except of course that these days I know that most people don’t experience things in this way – it really isn’t “normal”.

So whilst it was unpleasant, the normality of it all meant that I felt able to cope. And by letting it all out here, I have taken the edge off the flashbacks too.

James

I couldn’t even read all this at first, it made me so anxious. You are lucky to recall it. My mind would have been mush after the traffic part, especially after the late departure.
This ….. “Literally crippling. I realised I was grasping both arm rests on the chair. I was stuck fast and tense in my seat. I could barely hear the performance, and I was hugely anxious once more. I was experiencing my strange anxious guilt that happens in situations like this. I know I’m not to blame for this situation, but my body tells me otherwise. The only thing being taken in by my senses were the actions of that woman.” …..hit me hard. That anxious guilt that happens even when I know I my actions were reasonable. My body defies all logic and reason and I go spiraling downward into panic and perseveration and sensory coma.
Yikes!