I can see where you’re coming from about the soccer practice thing.

I disappeared from the blogosphere because I was dealing with some issues that came about because I had a rather isolated upbringing. My parents tended not to socialise so as a child I missed seeing a lot of social interactions that I could have learnt from. Now I see families who do socialise a lot, and I feel a little jealous.

I would say, don’t worry too much. As long as your kids see you relating to other people, that should do the trick. You can find friends who will benefit from your way of looking at the world. For example, deaf people understand communication issues. As do people with learning difficulties.

Great to hear from you again! I hope you are well.

You are right that I shouldn’t worry, but I do.
I’ve just read a great piece by Gavin Bollard that explains it from another angle quite brilliantly: The Antisocial Parent. The part where Gavin talks about his son missing out on things due to him not being social with the other parents at soccer practice particularly hits home with me.

It’s difficult for me to really comment on your perception of whether cliques really exist, because I don’t really see them. My wife, and our friends certainly seem to, though.

And I think as well, you have a kind of freedom. People who worry about cliques (and I’ve known people on the autism spectrum who worry about them a lot), achieve nothing except their own unhappiness.

I don’t think cliques really exist in the way we think they do. They are merely groups of people who are so happy in each other’s company that they get lazy about welcoming strangers. People who blank each other are usually does distracted or shy or possibly have their own communication issue, such as deafness.

I think it’s a sort of liberal middle-class British snobbery that leads to us complaining about lack of courtesy in others.

Outside of this band of people, I suspect that Brits are just as silent about it, and expect just as little as Americans do.

I liked your sentence about keeping a low profile with everyone else. That’s exactly what I do, and I’ve done it for as long as I can remember. It’s one of my natural defence mechanisms.

And I’m also the only one who thinks it’s rude. Everyone else just says, “Well, you know how people are…” Not a convincing response–at least, not to this Aspie.

I wonder whether NTs in the UK are just more attuned to the small courtesies. Here in the US, people really expect very little of one another as far as civility is concerned.

I highly doubt that anyone sees you as rude, James. Like you, I am friendly with people with whom I feel safe, and I keep a low profile with everyone else, but no one considers me rude. Except for my friends, most people don’t consider me at all. That used to upset me until I realized that I really did want to be left to myself most of the time anyway.