Common sense
As someone who sees logic as being at the core of how I act and interact, I seem to have a lot of problems with another concept that would also appear to be governed by logic a lot of the time – common sense.
It’s not that I don’t have any common sense – I most certainly do. It’s just that deciding how to react to a given input makes use of my ‘store cupboard’ responses a good deal of the time and common sense gets pushed to the side.
When I need to make a snap judgement on something – the sort of judgement where an ordinary person would simply dial up common sense and ask it to provide the answer, I find that I’m asking myself all sorts of questions, and often completely failing to provide any sort of rational answer at all. I want my answer to be right, yet because my brain frequently pushes me down the store cupboard path if I didn’t see the scenario coming, I find I’m asking myself whether a given response is appropriate, and then having instant self doubt. I stammer and try to fill the passing moments with words that sound as though they might be building up to a solution, whilst my brain has a little battle with itself over what the right store cupboard response might be. Meanwhile, common sense is over in the corner somewhere with it’s hand up waiting patiently for me to ask it for a response. I rarely see it.
After the fact I can easily see what the obvious solution was, and interestingly, when it’s someone else having to make the decision, I often reach the same common sense answer as the other person before they say it. So common sense does exist in me – it just doesn’t find it’s way to the surface when it could be best used much of the time.
It’s not just snap judgements though, it’s interesting just how much of life relies on common sense:
What task do I do next on my list today? On my way home from work do I call home first, or collect my daughter from nursery on the way? Does this shirt go with these jeans? Should I cook dinner as my wife’s not home yet?
See what I mean? All of these could be answered instantly with a little common sense, and yet I find that I’m asking myself questions that either complicate matters further, or add procrastination into the equation such as:
Should I do this easy task before the one that’s important, and get it out of the way quickly? Can I put this other task off until tomorrow? Perhaps I should get this blog article that’s stuck in my head written first before anything else? Would my wife think the shirt and jeans matched? Does it matter? What would my wife think if they clashed really badly? Do they clash? I dunno. Should I put the dinner on? When will she be home? Will she be coming straight home? Hmmm. Not sure if she hasn’t already eaten. What if I make it and it’s ready way ahead of time?
The above are all questions I was asking myself yesterday, so are real-life examples. It’s mostly daft stuff like above, and it really does cloud my view of the common sense answers.
For the record:
I should do the most important item on my list first. My logical mind will tell me every time which one that is. The blog article can be done later. I should collect my daughter on the way home, as it saves an extra car trip. If I’m questioning if the shirt clashes with the jeans, then it most likely does and I should change. Of course I should put the dinner on. It doesn’t matter if it’s ready early – it’s often ready before I get home, when my wife is doing the cooking. I can even send my wife a text message to let her know the dinner is on.
Perhaps the complications that I put in my own way show how making snap decisions stresses me, and just how badly I cope with stress at times. I like my day to be planned, and I don’t like it when plans change. Having to make an unexpected snap decision on something is just like having to change my plans.
Oh, and I did put the dinner on, but I didn’t pick my daughter up on the way home – I went home first. One good decision, one bad.
Do any of you find that you have plenty of common sense, but that you can’t use it when it’s actually needed?
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7 Comments to “Common sense”
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Personally, I don’t think you lack common sense. It sounds like you’ve got loads of it. But you seem to have difficulty sequencing tasks because although conventional logic/common sense might dictate one path, your neurology seems to dictate another.
For example, you say that you can put off the blog article, because it’s not as important as other things. Well, in my mind, that may or may not be true. Do others need you immediately? Will people be hungry the minute they get home, or will they have picked something up on the way? Will you be agitated and exhausted by having a blog post in your head for hours? If so, would it make more sense to take some time to write, and ask your wife for help with dinner that night? Will it help you avoid a migraine, or a meltdown, or just out-and-out exhaustion?
What seems like common sense to a typical person, who can take all these things in stride, may not make any sense at all to an Aspie. Our nervous systems work differently, so common sense can sometimes work against us.
Writing is very important to me. I enjoy it, it helps me make sense of things, and it calms me. So, in our family, we bring that into the equation when parceling out tasks. Slowly but surely, I’m learning that what my nervous system needs is very important. I’ve left it at the bottom of the list for most of my life. But it’s moving up.
See – this is what I love about writing this blog. Not only, does writing have the same beneficial effect on me as it does on you, Rachel, but I also have the privilege of having others read what I think and provide their own take on things.
This is a gem of a response, Rachel, and has opened up a whole other way of looking at this aspect of my personality that I previously hadn’t seen.
It’s going to need further thought on my part to be sure of things, but you may well be right. I have been seeing things from a neuro-typical-centric point of view. Maybe that view isn’t in my own best interests in this case.
I don’t suffer from the same degree of nervous system overload as you, but clearly that doesn’t mean I should just ignore it.
I have often thought of myself, in similar situations, as a smart person who does stupid things. Looking back on those times it almost seems as if I was not there to make the decision, but I know I was. I just don’t understand why I reacted the way I did.
This sounds very familiar, AJ.
Isn’t it astounding whilst ASDs cover a broad spectrum of traits that affect each individual differently, that those of us affected have often experienced very similar things?
I for one find it rather comforting – I’m not the oddity that I used to think I was.
“…the potential to lead to exceptional abilities in specific domains, but also limits the skills that require coordinated efforts of multiple systems (e.g. social and communication skills).”
Skills that require coordination of multiple systems – perhaps common sense is one of these skills?
Yes, definitely, don’t ignore your sensory needs. Although you don’t reach sensory overload in the same way that I do (it’s astonishing how diverse the spectrum is!), it’s always important to take care of yourself. When I was younger, I didn’t. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve discovered that sensory self-care is one of the hardest habits for me to acquire. Sensory processing slows to some degree as we age, so getting a head start on taking good care of your sensory needs will help in the long run.
“Oh, and I did put the dinner on, but I didn’t pick my daughter up on the way home – I went home first. One good decision, one bad.”
Not necessarily bad!
It could be, that your daughter was having a great time, and she wanted to stay longer, so you did something she liked. That’s worth an extra trip, right?