Comments on: Announcements http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/experience/announcements/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=announcements A personal journey to understand Asperger's Syndrome and myself Mon, 19 Dec 2011 16:20:05 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: DonkeyBuster http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/experience/announcements/#comment-463 DonkeyBuster Wed, 19 Aug 2009 14:30:25 +0000 http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/?p=568#comment-463 Yeah, I think it's more the whole gestalt of the person (my new word this week LOL) rather than any particular detail. Gestures, voice qualities, clothing/hair style, gait... just their general feel. I had to stop my therapist in mid-sentence the other day because I was suddenly hit by the detail of her eye make-up and I couldn't even begin to concentrate on what she was saying. I asked her if she was wearing different eye make-up... no, she always wears it, and it's always the same. We finally came up with the fact that she'd taken her glasses off to read something and it was like a very different face to me. I'd never seen her without her glasses on before. Put her in a hat and beard and I probably couldn't pick her out of a line-up if she didn't move or talk. LOL Yeah, I think it’s more the whole gestalt of the person (my new word this week LOL) rather than any particular detail. Gestures, voice qualities, clothing/hair style, gait… just their general feel.

I had to stop my therapist in mid-sentence the other day because I was suddenly hit by the detail of her eye make-up and I couldn’t even begin to concentrate on what she was saying. I asked her if she was wearing different eye make-up… no, she always wears it, and it’s always the same. We finally came up with the fact that she’d taken her glasses off to read something and it was like a very different face to me. I’d never seen her without her glasses on before.

Put her in a hat and beard and I probably couldn’t pick her out of a line-up if she didn’t move or talk. LOL

]]> By: James http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/experience/announcements/#comment-462 James Wed, 19 Aug 2009 09:37:10 +0000 http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/?p=568#comment-462 Could it be that you don't use facial features to identify people, using a combination of other factors instead? This feels to be the way I work. I know my brother is lanky looking, and that he wears a particular individual style of clothes. I also know roughly the way he usually styles his hair. Would I immediately recognise him if he changed his clothing style and shaved his head? Probably not. Would an NT person? I can't say, but I do suspect that they use more facial clues than I do. Could it be that you don’t use facial features to identify people, using a combination of other factors instead?

This feels to be the way I work. I know my brother is lanky looking, and that he wears a particular individual style of clothes. I also know roughly the way he usually styles his hair.

Would I immediately recognise him if he changed his clothing style and shaved his head?

Probably not. Would an NT person? I can’t say, but I do suspect that they use more facial clues than I do.

]]> By: Saja http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/experience/announcements/#comment-458 Saja Tue, 18 Aug 2009 14:31:10 +0000 http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/?p=568#comment-458 My mother visited me about six years ago (before our big falling-out), and as she sat across from me, she said, "Do you see anything different about me?" I could tell there must be something from the way she asked it, but for the life of me, I didn't see anything different. She was just Mom, as she always had been. Turns out she'd had a face lift. She was not pleased that I didn't notice. Apparently "everyone else" noticed. Well, now we know why I didn't (at least, I do--she doesn't know I'm autistic, or if she does, she never let me know she knows). I think I don't actually see people once I have enough markers to identify them; or, rather, I don't see the details beyond those markers. My mother visited me about six years ago (before our big falling-out), and as she sat across from me, she said, “Do you see anything different about me?” I could tell there must be something from the way she asked it, but for the life of me, I didn’t see anything different. She was just Mom, as she always had been.

Turns out she’d had a face lift. She was not pleased that I didn’t notice. Apparently “everyone else” noticed. Well, now we know why I didn’t (at least, I do–she doesn’t know I’m autistic, or if she does, she never let me know she knows). I think I don’t actually see people once I have enough markers to identify them; or, rather, I don’t see the details beyond those markers.

]]> By: DonkeyBuster http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/experience/announcements/#comment-456 DonkeyBuster Mon, 17 Aug 2009 15:57:12 +0000 http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/?p=568#comment-456 It's probably more normal that fiction would have us believe... all those soliloquies about someone's divine features... just fantasy. LOL Maybe that's why most folks have keepsakes of their dear departeds... because the mind is better triggered that way. As for the newspaper announcements... it's a valuable source of history. And around here, I am acquainted with many people, but not well enough to be invited, so it's nice to know of the big events in their lives... and be able to offer congrats or condolences if I see them on the street. Maybe it's a hold-over from small town life in your area... or a function of large extended families. Both of which my town is full of. Shoot, around here folks run memorial ads for family and friends that have been gone 10 years... maybe it's a way of maintaining a sense of continuity with their history and roots here. A sense of place, a rootedness in this land, this community. It’s probably more normal that fiction would have us believe… all those soliloquies about someone’s divine features… just fantasy. LOL
Maybe that’s why most folks have keepsakes of their dear departeds… because the mind is better triggered that way.
As for the newspaper announcements… it’s a valuable source of history. And around here, I am acquainted with many people, but not well enough to be invited, so it’s nice to know of the big events in their lives… and be able to offer congrats or condolences if I see them on the street. Maybe it’s a hold-over from small town life in your area… or a function of large extended families. Both of which my town is full of. Shoot, around here folks run memorial ads for family and friends that have been gone 10 years… maybe it’s a way of maintaining a sense of continuity with their history and roots here. A sense of place, a rootedness in this land, this community.

]]> By: James http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/experience/announcements/#comment-455 James Mon, 17 Aug 2009 15:47:39 +0000 http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/?p=568#comment-455 Interesting. I feel that I can picture my wife's face quite well, yet... If you asked me to draw her face, I'd have trouble doing it. I could draw the outline of her figure pretty accurately I'd say, and even how her hair is cut - but I'd have trouble with her face. Of course, maybe that is completely normal... Interesting.

I feel that I can picture my wife’s face quite well, yet…

If you asked me to draw her face, I’d have trouble doing it.
I could draw the outline of her figure pretty accurately I’d say, and even how her hair is cut – but I’d have trouble with her face.

Of course, maybe that is completely normal…

]]> By: DonkeyBuster http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/experience/announcements/#comment-454 DonkeyBuster Mon, 17 Aug 2009 15:30:22 +0000 http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/?p=568#comment-454 I used to think not being able to remember someone's face was due to not looking them in the eye, but I've experimented with that, really tried to see someone's face, eyes, etc. and I still can't bring it up. My partner's favorite scarf... yes. Her way of buttering toast? Yes. Her face... no. =0( I used to think not being able to remember someone’s face was due to not looking them in the eye, but I’ve experimented with that, really tried to see someone’s face, eyes, etc. and I still can’t bring it up. My partner’s favorite scarf… yes. Her way of buttering toast? Yes. Her face… no. =0(

]]> By: James http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/experience/announcements/#comment-453 James Mon, 17 Aug 2009 15:22:10 +0000 http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/?p=568#comment-453 I find it very difficult to remember faces. I remember peoples body shape, and often how their hair was cut or styled. Unusual items - like tattoos get remembered as well, and sometime footwear. But faces? Not often. I put this down to not looking people in the eye, and thus, I don't really look at their face much. I also agree with your sentiment about routines - once I have a new routine, and a person who used to feature in my life isn't in that routine, they don't often get thought about. It all sounds very cold and uncaring. But I'm not at all cold and uncaring - I just function differently than the norm. I find it very difficult to remember faces.
I remember peoples body shape, and often how their hair was cut or styled. Unusual items – like tattoos get remembered as well, and sometime footwear.
But faces? Not often.
I put this down to not looking people in the eye, and thus, I don’t really look at their face much.

I also agree with your sentiment about routines – once I have a new routine, and a person who used to feature in my life isn’t in that routine, they don’t often get thought about.

It all sounds very cold and uncaring. But I’m not at all cold and uncaring – I just function differently than the norm.

]]> By: DonkeyBuster http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/experience/announcements/#comment-450 DonkeyBuster Sun, 16 Aug 2009 00:14:43 +0000 http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/?p=568#comment-450 I share this with you... out of sight, out of mind most of the time. Like you, I miss the things we do/did together, but somehow not the person. It's weird... if it was a very important person, I'll be absolutely desolate for a while, too, but I can barely picture the person; I think I'm really pining for the sense of connectedness/belonging doing something with someone I like brings. I don't maintain long distance relationships very well, because it doesn't feel like we have much in common in just a couple of months of separation. I noticed the other day that I mostly remember my deceased mother when I'm gardening, an activity she enjoyed and taught me to enjoy, though I went in a very different direction with it. The rest of the time, she rarely crosses my mind, and when she does it's negative. I assume it's a function of our task-oriented minds... ??? Or a change in our routine? And once we find a new routine, they're not in it... I share this with you… out of sight, out of mind most of the time. Like you, I miss the things we do/did together, but somehow not the person. It’s weird… if it was a very important person, I’ll be absolutely desolate for a while, too, but I can barely picture the person; I think I’m really pining for the sense of connectedness/belonging doing something with someone I like brings.

I don’t maintain long distance relationships very well, because it doesn’t feel like we have much in common in just a couple of months of separation.

I noticed the other day that I mostly remember my deceased mother when I’m gardening, an activity she enjoyed and taught me to enjoy, though I went in a very different direction with it. The rest of the time, she rarely crosses my mind, and when she does it’s negative.

I assume it’s a function of our task-oriented minds… ??? Or a change in our routine? And once we find a new routine, they’re not in it…

]]> By: leica http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/experience/announcements/#comment-444 leica Fri, 07 Aug 2009 15:43:08 +0000 http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/?p=568#comment-444 I miss people, occasionally to the point of physical discomfort (e.g. "pining" behaviour) - I may lose my appetite, feel tired, get anxious, etc. As for celebrating people, I would, but I know people find it obnoxious. I sort of got away "celebrating" my dog, but even that attracted criticism. If it comes to it, however, I think I'd prefer to not big up someone I love even though I want to, than feel compelled to big up someone when I didn't want to. For that reason, more and more I find myself just not doing it unless I really do feel an existing connection with the person. I miss people, occasionally to the point of physical discomfort (e.g. “pining” behaviour) – I may lose my appetite, feel tired, get anxious, etc.

As for celebrating people, I would, but I know people find it obnoxious. I sort of got away “celebrating” my dog, but even that attracted criticism. If it comes to it, however, I think I’d prefer to not big up someone I love even though I want to, than feel compelled to big up someone when I didn’t want to. For that reason, more and more I find myself just not doing it unless I really do feel an existing connection with the person.

]]> By: Anna http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/experience/announcements/#comment-437 Anna Thu, 06 Aug 2009 11:07:54 +0000 http://www.thatexplainseverything.com/?p=568#comment-437 This is not the same for me; I miss people. This is not the same for me; I miss people.

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