Comments for That Explains Everything

Comment on Dysfunction, distortion, lack of vision and broken relationships by Janette

Janette — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 14:00:45 +0000

I want to express my gratitude for your openness and willingness to share your struggles and thoughts. My husband and I have taken in our 15 year old nephew who has since been diagnosed with Aspergers. It seems since we have only had him since he turned 13, it is much like a marriage in learning to adjust and have relationship with each other with Aspergers in the mix. It is a huge help to me to read your posts and hear your heart.
Thank you! Please keep writing. It it a great encouragement to me.:)

Comment on Dysfunction, distortion, lack of vision and broken relationships by baruch

baruch — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 04:49:58 +0000

I can definitely identity with you and your situation. Hope it works out for the best. I think you are putting too much blame on yourself. You are who you are.there is nothing to be embarrassed about .probally a lot to be proud.stop putting yourself down. Unless one of you were involved in extreme behavior,like an affair or violence, then most marital problems are 50 50. So don’t sell yourself short. When feeling as equals the relationship has a better chance to suceed.

Comment on Slow thinking by Ron Cho

Ron Cho — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 04:14:36 +0000

Hi, I guess i fall into slow thinking caregory as well. I wanted to ask you if you have a slanted head? From what I have learned in psychology course, the frontal lobe plays an important role in decision making based on experiences, and word retrieval. I do not want to believe in phrenology, but based on this, i reason that having relatively lower mass of frontal lobe may contributed to being a slow thinker. Since I seem to have a very similar habits of mind as you do, I am very curious if you have a slanted head as I do. Thanks!

Ron

Comment on Touch is like tickling, and tickling is like torture by Furtive Fox

Furtive Fox — Sat, 24 Mar 2012 02:48:08 +0000

Me too! Wife just don’t get it, looking for help aswell!

Comment on Dysfunction, distortion, lack of vision and broken relationships by Mary

Mary — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 14:24:46 +0000

Mindfulness seems to be an important technique – just seen an interesting video on YouTube by Katherine Annear but unable to post links! :/

Comment on Dysfunction, distortion, lack of vision and broken relationships by eaucoin

eaucoin — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 16:40:50 +0000

This seems like a good place to begin sorting it out, although emotionally charged situations don’t readily conform to tidy to-do lists. While you are struggling with perspective, you will need to practice mindfulness–you have been taught those techniques I hope–if not, hopefully your readers will share.

Comment on The rapidly approaching T-junction by James

James — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 16:20:05 +0000

Hi Anna,

The Relate counselling is not happening any more due to some bad timing with 1-2-1 counselling appearing for my wife – for which she spent two years on a waiting list to get via the NHS.
The Relate counsellor refused to see us whilst this was going on, perhaps not unfairly.

She did have at least some knowledge of the Autism Spectrum, although to what degree was never clarified.

Oh – and welcome on board. I hope you find some of my writing useful.

James

Comment on The rapidly approaching T-junction by Anna

Anna — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 07:17:19 +0000

Hi James,
I am only new to this blog – the one thing I would ask is – does your counsellor have a real good understanding about aspergers as this is going to be a huge factor in how much they can help..

Comment on The rapidly approaching T-junction by eaucoin

eaucoin — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 11:19:34 +0000

Gavin Bollard’s last post was written for guys like you.

Comment on The rapidly approaching T-junction by eaucoin

eaucoin — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 04:55:29 +0000

It may seem logical to assume that relationship failure is in your genes and that you have aimed too high in expecting a relationship to be workable, but before you start preparing yourself to be rejected, read this definition of a cognitive distortion. “Cognitive distortions are simply ways that our mind convinces us of something that isn’t really true. These inaccurate thoughts are usually used to reinforce negative thinking or emotions — telling ourselves things that sound rational and accurate, but really only serve to keep us feeling bad about ourselves.”

One of the ongoing difficulties of having Aspergers will be spotting the distortions you tend to make. One of the ways you could handle this is by drawing a chain of speech bubbles to try to establish the individual thoughts which take you from “Marriage is really difficult” to “people like me can’t make marriage work.” In the steps in between these two statements, when you analyze them, you will see that there are some flawed assumptions.